Parents love their children. Parents hope their children grow up to be good people who live good lives. Yet often there is a struggle as children learn (or don’t) how to mesh with society. Most parents know that giving their children a loving home is the most important factor in their children growing up as hoped for. But there is another major factor that comes into play, i.e., finding good friends.

 

If you have ever struggled with helping your children make good friends, you are not alone. Life is busy. Parents have limited time. Teaching friendship making skills takes time. What is a parent to do?

 

We all know children today spend too much time in front of a screen. As a result interactive social skills are impaired. Most parents don’t know what to do so they either ignore the situation and let their children continue to play video games or watch TV endlessly. Wiser parents limit screen time. But the problem with limiting screen time is, what do you do instead? Here’s what the latest research suggests:

 

1. Limit screen time by increasing reading time and physical activity

 

2. The best physical activities are those that involve family members and other children their age

 

For example, Benson was super shy and very insecure. He was even too shy to go out and make friends. Some called him a ‘momma’s boy.’ All he liked to do was play video games and watch TV. He didn’t like playing most games with other kids because he almost always lost, and then if he did lose he often stormed off crying. So not a lot of kids liked to play with him. So his parents believed he just didn’t make very many friends. And they worried about whether he would become well adjusted.

 

“You need to get Benson into sports,” said his Uncle Alex. “Some of the best things we learn in life come from playing on a team. Team work, personal responsibility and things like that.”

 

Benson’s dad, David, chimed in, “I disagree. Some of the worse things you learn in life come from playing sports. If your team doesn’t win through no fault of your own, you’re still a loser. And if you you’re not good at the sport, you sit on the bench and get worse at it. Besides haven’t you heard of little league parents? It’s where otherwise good people at the blow of a bad whistle turn into raving maniacs. What kind of example do you think that is for their kids, huh?”

 

Fortunately, there is a solution. It’s simple. Engage the family. Start with reading. Obviously you need age appropriate reading material, but it’s also best if it stems from and promotes classical Western cultural values. For young readers, good Bible storybooks are great. Simply devote 10 minutes a day to read and discuss what you’ve read. Then either let them continue reading on their own; or you can switch gears and engage in a physical activity together. Play catch, shoot hoops, dance, or do calisthenics.

 

As children mature team sports participation may be good, but remember team sports tend to separate the families into participants and spectators. That’s not a bad thing; however, if you can find an activity that everyone can participate in together, that would be better, even ideal, as that way family bonding will be greatly enhanced.

 

For example, the Butler family decided to learn karate together as a family. All the kids joined and so did their father, Bill. They learned together, and they practiced at home. Because Bill was involved with them the children were willing to try new things, even hard things. They had to memorize routines and received opportunities to perform in front of others which really boosted their self esteem because it inspired them to practice extra hard at home. And whether they won or not at their interschool tournaments, each one became more confident knowing their family was cheering for them. And having kids cheer for dad is really fun and it is good for family unity.

 

Having forged a super strong family bond and being willing to try new things helped the children and Bill develop courage which in turn helped them grow up to be well adjusted adults, goal and family oriented. Caution though, the Butlers joined a good karate school, one that emphasized moral principles and black belt excellence. The Butlers got good exercise and bonded as a family. Even though they’re all grown now the Butler children still talk about the fun they had at karate and knowledge they gained. For more information on ways you can help your children develop courage and confidence to make good friends, go to karatebrave.com.