Are you struggling with knowing how to help your teenager manage his anger?

 

It’s all about learning to detect anger emotions swelling inside and how to channel those emotions in a good way. Most people say that if you’re angry, just take ten big breaths. And though that recommendation is good, there are more things to learn. For example, start by teaching your teen specific physical indicators happening inside their body that can signal anger is about to erupt. Here are the big three:

 

1. Increase respiration and heart rates

 

2. Clenched jaw or fist

 

3. Muscle tension headache from narrow eyed scowling

 

But the truth is parents need to be just as involved. In fact, they need to see some things earlier. Parents need to recognize certain social signs that signal their teen probably cannot manage his anger. Here are three.

 

The first one should be obvious. Your teen becomes physically abusive to others. He pushes, kicks or punches other people or animals, and or throws things.

 

The second might not seem as bad, but it is an indicator. Your teen becomes verbally abusive toward or gossips about others or becomes intensely sarcastic or uses highly prejudiced or vulgar speech.

 

Thirdly. if your teen engages in substance abuse it may indicate a host of challenges, but it is also an indicator that your teen cannot handle his anger emotions.

 

So how does a parents teach their teens how to manage their anger? First, we must establish rules at home such as, if either of us detects any of the above physical or social indicators of an impending anger eruption we will stop, back off, cool down and take those 10 big breaths.

 

Next, we must learn and practice the difference between feelings and behavior. After we take our tenth big breath, we ask, “Can I have frustrated feelings and still control my behavior?” If not, take ten more big breaths. If so, plot out what your behavior is going to be with the first behavior being to remove yourself from the situation.

 

Finally, we parents must practice these same techniques and model them to our teens. One of the most important things to do is take a big breath yourself and use a calm voice. Give yourself a timeout. Learn problem-solving skills. Learn coping skills, and if necessary, seek professional help.

 

So for example, one time when Lee’s 15 year old son Rex got in an argument with his brother Adam. It turned violent. Rex started punching Adam then he grabbed Adam in a headlock and jammed his head into the wall. Fortunately this was all caught on the home security video. When Lee and his wife Susan saw the video they were shocked at the violence they saw. Lee wanted to ‘teach Rex a lesson,’ meaning smack him around, but Susan reminded him that first they needed to take ten breaths and then devise a plan.

 

Their plan was to show the video to Rex and then call a family council and review the house rules. When they showed Rex the video he broke down and cried. He couldn’t believe he had gone berserk. He couldn’t even believe it was he on the video. “What happened to me?” he cried out loud.

 

“You lost control because you couldn’t control your anger,” Susan said calmly. “We need to review our house rules and teach you how to manage your anger. Before you lost control did you feel your heart race? Did you clench your fists?” continued Susan.

 

“I don’t know,” said Rex. Lee calmly added, “Son, I can tell you feel bad and don’t want this to happen again, and that’s good, but we are going to work on this every day. We need to practice what your mom is talking about.”

 

For more information on how you too can learn to teach your teen to control his anger, by getting on a program that works on anger management, contact karatebrave.com